we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize