I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
