Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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