my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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