He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
