I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
