the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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