I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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