True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
