just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
