Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize