No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
