Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
