he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
