Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
