Can Purell be used as lube?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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