Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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