Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
