so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
