My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
