The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize