i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
