do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
