Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize