R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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