did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
