is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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