Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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