I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
