I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
