i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
