tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
