The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
