After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
