Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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