i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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