haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
