I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
