i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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