I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
