i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
