if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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