You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
