i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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