There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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