i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
