If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
