I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
