Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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