we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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