Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
