I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
