omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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