I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
