How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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