just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
