So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
