the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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