I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
