Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
