I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Congratulations! We have a period
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