the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
