??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
