Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
