My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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