You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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