I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Text me some of your sweat
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
