you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
