im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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