No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Randomize
