kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
