Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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