Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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