remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize