The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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