you guys were way drunker than both of me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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