I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize