then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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