There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I love you. Go after that dick
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
