i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
