Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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