If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
organizing the empties. That sober.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
