I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
