oh god the rape fog is back!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
