I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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