i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
