Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
