What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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