What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
