WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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