I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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