I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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