I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
