He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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