you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
