I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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