when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
