a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
