my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
