Will you blow on my dice?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
