I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
