Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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