i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
