There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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