he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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