mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
