i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
