There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
