I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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